Hotels don’t look like this.

I have no beef with hotels. If you need sleep, they’re ideal. If you need a place to store your luggage while you go to a wedding or Disneyland or some other event, they’re also great.

But, for spring break, you really need a condo. The reasons are manifold. Primarily, you entertain in a condo. This is not to say you’re hosting a party, but if you have folks over for drinks before heading out or have folks over to cool out a after the club…you need a place to do this.

And a hotel won’t fit the bill. Nearly all of this has to do with the lack of a kitchen–as you need a place to:

Make ice.
Cook pizza rolls.
Blend margaritas.
Store cups for beer pong.
Boil water for mac & cheese.

In all, a hotel doesn’t have any of the stuff you want around when you’re trying to get drunk. And if you’re already drunk, a hotel has none of the stuff you want around to help get sober again.

This doesn’t even touch on the fact that hotels tend to be just a giant room, whereas you might need multiple rooms for people to make out/pass out/primp/watch the game.

Also, since condos hold more people than a hotel room, they’re not necessarily more expensive than hotels. And beyond all that, hotels just don’t generally look like condo complexes.

South Padre Frequently Asked Questions

Understandably, parents have a lot of concerns about their kids going on spring break. So, in the Inertia office, we end up answering a lot of the same questions repeatedly as the spring break season gears up.

Here are a couple of the most common:

Q. Where is South Padre?
A. It’s a long skinny island that runs along the coast of Texas.

Q. Is South Padre a part of Mexico or the U.S. or independent?
A. It’s a part of the U.S.

Q. Is South Padre safe, since it’s so close to Mexico?
A. We’re a full 40 minutes, one border, and several checkpoints from Mexico. So, not unlike Las Vegas, whatever is going on in Mexico, stays in Mexico.

Q. What’s the drinking age in South Padre?
A. It’s 21, like everywhere else in the States.

Q. What if I’m on a party cruise, don’t the laws change in international waters?
A. The party cruise sails around the bay between South Padre and Texas. It’s still the United States.

Q. South Padre is an island, but it doesn’t have an airport. So, do we have to take a boat there?
A. No. We’re connected to Texas by a bridge.

South Padre by Any Other Name

One of the phenomena on South Padre Island is it’s penchant for fouling up folks’ pronunciations and spellings.

Some of them are just oversights, like the constant references to “Mooncussers” as “Mooncrushers.”

Much of it has to do with foreign names. One of the restaurants on our meal plan is La Jaiba (Spanish for “The Crab”). Most of our staff (myself included) tend to call it “La Hy-E-Ba.” But the locals insist the restaurant is “La Hy-Ba.” Conversely, one of the most popular condo complexes on the island is Saida. But, in this case, the “I” is pronounced so that it’s spoken “Sy-E-Da.” (Though nearly all of the spring breakers call it “Sadey-Uh”).

Going the other way, the Spanish-speaking DJs on the island are constantly referring to Inertia Tours as “Interita Tours,” when talking on the mic during parties.

And before folks ever get down here, we get a lot of calls in the office from parents who want to know more before sending their kid off to spring break on “San Padre/San Pedro/South Padre/etc.”

Do the Heisman

Last night was Saint Patrick’s day and we had a bunch of the UT Football players up on the stage where I was DJing.

In the wash of green and House of Pain, it wasn’t until fifteen minutes to closing that I realized I was totally missing the opportunity to bump “Do the Heisman” with some dudes qualified to do just that.

The ensuing dance demo gave way to a Stanky Legg bonanza that involved so much stomping by so many footballers that I thought they were going to go right through the stage.

Radisson South Padre is now Isla Grand South Padre Island

The former Radisson South Padre is now called the Isla Grand Hotel South Padre Island.

The hotel has underwent a major facelift, and looks amazing inside. This popular spring break hotel is home to the Coca Cola Beach Stage & is the site of the infamous Rehab @ the Pool on Wednesday Nights with Inertia Tours & DJ Silver.

The Isla Grand South Padre is a superb, full service hotel next door to Inertia Tours headquarters condos, the Saida Towers South Padre.

If you would like to book the Isla Grand for Spring Break in South Padre, call Inertia Tours toll free 800 821 2176, or email inertia chad at chad@inertiatours.com anytime!

Inertia Tours focuses on spring break packages for $499 per person & less with condos, meals, parties & more!

Visit http://www.inertiatours.com for more information about its spring break trips to South Padre Island, Texas

What we love about Saida Towers in South Padre Island during spring break

One great reason to book your spring break trip to South Padre with Inertia Tours is that we have such a phenomenal & huge block of condos at Saida Towers. There are alot of “me-too” websites in this world, but ONLY Inertia guarantees you stay at Saida if you book it – no “bumpings” or “like kind” exchanges on Saida at the last minute. Not just this ….where are their videos? Where are their pictures? Saida is clearly demonstrated as Inertia’s headquarters party property – not Mister Rogers Tours.

Here’s a little video we did of the pool at Saida:

Why We Love Saida:

*That video shows one of the best reason to select Saida for your stay – 2 beachfront (and did we mention…HEATED) pools and two hot tubs you can see the waves from while you sip your cold brews.

* Great location – right on the beach, yet 5-6 blocks to the entertainment district. You can walk to the action if you stay here.

Need to see a map of what this might look like:
http://www.inertiatours.com/southpadreisland/map.php

*We love the view of the ocean from the Saida Units!
Here’s a video from the Balcony of Tower III where we have a ton of condos!

*Saida also has tremendous before & after parties during spring break – a big benefit to meeting other party people when you are on spring break

*Saida is located adjacent to the Full Throttle Beach & Entertainment stage during the day – where everyone parties during the day with kegs & ENORMOUS beer bongs

Here is a good video of the dance contest at the Full Throttle Beach stage they do everyday of spring break:

*The condos are “bad ass” nice inside – you get a full sized kitchen with a full sized fridge for your cold ones, and a big dining room table for beer pong, as well as multiple bathrooms (girls, think about getting ready – you need a few bathrooms or it will take hours upon hours!)

Here’s a great video of one of Inertia Tours 2 bedroom condos in South Padre at Saida:

*Saida Towers is also a “Cowboy Cadillac” in that it is surprisingly inexpensive – you can book this condo with your friends “almost all inclusive” with Inertia in that this package will have the condo, 2 dine around restaurant meals & more priced between $350 and $499 per person out the door!

*Saida represents accommodations that would be like you booking the Presidential Suite at a 4 star hotel – except that every single condo is that big & nice, and you don’t have to be the President to stay there.

*My favorite….Bens Liquor Warehouse is in the strip mall right in front of Saida Towers – you literally have to walk under 100 yards to get more hooch!

If you have any questions about Saida Towers, South Padre Island, or a great spring break trip – give us a chance at Inertia Tours to earn your business! Visit our website http://www.inertiatours.com/southpadreisland for more information, or call us toll free 800 821 2176. Emails are always appreciated too info@inertiatours.com

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The very best spring break hotels & condos for South Padre Spring Break

As my Company Inertia Tours specializes in College Spring Break Trips to South Padre Island, Texas – and my silly ass personally chooses where we put people’s heads in beds – I’m going to give you the 411 what properties are the best places to stay at. We’ll also rate them based on “factors” – or my criteria to judge these properties.

For the purpose of simplicity, we wiil rank each one on a scale of one to five, a (1) means it sucks, a (5) means it’s awesome, ok?

We will rank these factors:

Hook Up Factor: (H) This means your chances of playing kissie face, making out, or general dry humping on spring break at this property (meaning there are other hot people staying here) that you at least have the possibility of meeting

Location (L) This is talking about if you can walk to clubs, grab something to eat easily, or not have people in your condo bitching how far everything is

Party Time (PT) Is this place a good time? Can you find a good pre-party or after-bar here?

Luxury (LUX) – how nice is the place, does it have a good pool, nice inside, good condition, etc

Security IS) are security working this propery on  mission to evict you, cockblock you, or otherwise destroy your spring break?

First of all, I like properties that don’t have a kitchen with a full sized refridgerator. Many people that have only did the international spring break trip are looking for hotel rooms – brothas & sistas….you are CRAZY not to book a condo. A condo has room to have those cute boys over for a drinkie or two, or hang out with prior to the club to make a game plan. Anyone or travel entity that says “we have hotel rooms” are morons, hang up the phone. You need a condo to invite people over that are cool.

Secondly, I have sort of stuck up. I don’t like shithole properties, or accommodations with a rude staff.  If it seems like I have issued an ugly review, more times than not, this is why. Finally, don’t think that I’m here bragging about some place I have a bunch of condos at that I’ll make more money if you stay there. Bozo, I make money already. I’m taking time on my Sunday night to write about good spring break properties to stay at – that’s a personal thing, I’m trying to actually help you making sure you make the best possible choice before you there rather than being full of regrets saying “shit! Inertia Chad was right!”

H, L, PT, LUX, S

Bahia Mar “Resort”

H – 2, L – 1, PT – 4, LUX – 1, S – 2

I overall think this property needs to clean up its act. Security & staff are rude to students, the rooms are dirty, the condos smell moldy, and the place is too far north on the Island. You’ll have to take endless cabs, and don’t buy any bullshit about it being some “headquarters” – that was 10 years ago, this is spring break 2009. If this property sold itself as a dump on the beach, as an “anything goes” property with easy going security, and cheap beer & grub on location (they do have a restaurant) – I’d move this way up the scale – it used to be this property when Mary Ann Mitchell ran it, and she’s not the GM anymore. Some of the condos are cool (the ones right up directly at the ocean)

The Radisson (Sea Island Resort now)

H – 5, L – 5, PT – 3, LUX – 4, S -1

Ok, the Sea Island Resort is tough to dog on – it’s the host hotel to the Full Throttle Beach stage, you can walk to the clubs, and the management here is downright Professional in all ways. Here’s the thing….they have super duper limited condos (almost all hotel rooms, see above) and if you aren’t staying at this property, and you meet someone you want to bring back to hang out – “ain’t gonna happen” – at least not the peak weeks of spring break. Besides this…see my ratings – but condos, again, in my opinion, are key

Saida Towers

H – 5, L – 5, PT – 5, LUX – 4, S -2

Ok, Saida Towers is the powerhouse property of spring break condos – largely because I personally love the place, and http://www.inertiatours.com MOVES the spring break market down there. I push Saida because condos are big, the units are nice, and this condo property is the cloest thing to hotel resort you’ll find (pools, bar, restaurant, etc). Meeting people is easier at Saida than anywhere else in South Padre, and the property is busy any week of spring break. Will you pay more? Bet your ass you will — they sell Ferraris for more than Chevrolets, too. Security can be problematic, but if you bro them down, tip them out, feed them, and overall don’t act like a rich, drunk fraternity boy (which you very well might be, but show them respect) and it’s all good. We have this so-called competitor that tries to roll their staff through there, and security shuts them down, and when we roll in, it’s all high fives….go figure. I love Saida, if you have the money, I’d book a condo here.

Various Hotels on the beach, including:

La Copa, La Quinta, Surf Inn, Island Inn, Padre South

The biggest problem with these hotels is just that – they ARE hotels with standard hotel rooms, or these cheesy rooms with a pull across curtain they call “condos” or suites – you need a condo foo !!!! But Chad, they are cheap! Yep, Wal Mart is cheap too – I say this all the time. So, are all of your clothes from Wal Mart? If you can’t say yes, I ask you “but why college boy, Wal mart is cheap!!!” It’s because while I shop at Wal Mart for paper, diet Coke, and my beer, I sure as shit don’t buy my clothes there. If this is too complicated of a line of reasoning for you to follow – follow this – you get what you pay for. Sure, you have a hotel room for spring break – but nothing else. Let’s see, I have a full condo at Saida Towers, or even a cheap condo at Galleon Bay – and you have a hotel room. All things even, I invite some ladies back to after bar – where do you think they are going to choose? The condos – get one SOMEWHERE

Gulfview Condos

H – 2, L – 3, PT – 3, LUX – 2, S -3

This is a good cheap condo choice. The location is ok, you do have a full condo, and you have a real decent pool and hot tub area. Security can be dicks, but again, respect them and you’ll get it back. This is a real good choice for those on a budget that want to go to on spring break, have 6 or less people, and need to be into the trip for $300 or so per person – Gulfview is ok – we don’t get complaints from here really.

Sheraton Hotel

H – 5 L – 3, PT – 3 LUX – 5, S -1

I can’t simply throw Sheraton into the same category as the other beachfront hotels – it’s the closest thing to a 5 star hotel South Padre Island has. I like this place because rich people stay here. Rich people tend to have more fun since they spend more money, have better breeding (better looking) and are better dressed. I told you I was a snob LOL. The hot tub & pool here are nice, the restaurant I wouldn’t go there to eat at like most hotels, but it’s good for a hotel. Security are way too tough, and people I know that stay here usually say things like “we don’t feel welcome as students there” “the staff is rude to us as spring breakers” – I’m not making this stuff up – it’s what is said. Again, they charge waayyyyyyyyyyy too much for a stupid standard hotel room, and the condos you almost have to win the lottery to afford them.

Micro Hotels (super 8, motel 6, best value inn, flamingo, holiday inn express, comfort suites, etc)

H – 1, L – 1-5, PT – 3, LUX – 1, S -5

One GREAT thing about these as a choice is they usually have none to little security (the good news). The bad news is, they aren’t on the beach (part of the reason you go to the beach is to stay on it I think) and rarely do I run across these big groups of hot guy or hot girls that have booked “The Motel 6″ standard hotel rooms suck.

I get that if you didn’t make any plans and roll in on a Friday night of Texas week and need a place to crash, you take one of these….but if you are reading this blog, you should be making plans ahead of time and you will realize that these places lack condos, are not nice, and they are not on the beach. It’s tough to really say this is a spring break package – it’s a hotel room you really don’t want, and really won’t like.

Various other beachfront condos including:

Inverness, Aquarius, Sunchase, Franke, Summit, Florence I/II, International, etc.

These places are usually a crap shoot – here are the questions you need to ask when you book:

• ask for lots of pictures, and an address so you can google maps it from Saida Towers or Louies Backyard. The closer, the better
• ask about condo wristbands and their enforcement – many people are astounded that when they book a condo, they can’t bring back a chick they met that night – after all, they paid for the condo, right? Well, if the condo tower has a tough condo management or owners assocation, they might “limit” occupancies of condos – and with that, they keep people out that aren’t staying there. BE AWARE
• find out of a major travel company (like Inertia) is pushing it, that means lots of students, duh! A complex that is sparkling brand new but doesn’t work with a student travel company might be dead with students, and that’ll suck. Not always, just know that it could be an issue

If you are looking for a complete package, of course I’d like you to at least look at Inertia Tours for it based on not only this advice, but on the overall value I can provide you for your trip. You won’t be second guessing decisions – it’s all dialed in. BUT if your Aunt Betty has a condo at this XYZ complex, and you want to know the downlow on it, email me: chad@inertiatours.com – I’ll respond within 2 days with any questions you might have – no obiligation to you, or call me 800 821 2176, ext 101

Again, if you’re some jerk off that thinks you are going to sue me or send me the tough guy email for or over my opinion — I’ve got this finger in between my ring & pointer, and that’s for you supastar-it’s a subjective opinion and should not be construed as representing the position of Inertia Tours Inc, even if I AM the head dude.

Call Inertia Tours 800 821 2176, email us: info@ineriatours.com, or visit our website http://www.inertiatours.com/southpadreisland